48: The "Dad" Episode!

June 17, 2019

48: The "Dad" Episode!

Juggling work-life balance can be a real three-ring circus, which Lauren & Jesse know first hand. Led by listener questions, the Work, Play, Love Podcast is all about sports, biz, and family. [ASK YOUR QUESTION]

48: The “Dad” Episode - Cycling Safety, Babies and Dads, Reconciling with a Dad, Parent favoritism

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Description:

It’s the “Dad” episode! In honor of Fathers’ Day, Lauren and Jesse field questions all about parenthood through the lens of being a dad, relationships with dads, and more. They cover topics like post-partum depression for dads, what to do when your kids favor mom more than dad, how to maintain a healthy relationship with a dad after divorce, and how to respond to your dad when he lectures you about your life choices. Plus, Jesse and Lauren talk snack science, writing workshops, and listeners write in with follow ups about mom guilt, leg-shaving, and more.

This episode is brought to you by New York Road Runners. Join their virtual Pride Run 5K through Strava any time between 6/22-6/30. Head over to Nyrr.org/virtualracing/workplaylove to register and show your Pride today! [Read More]


What's Goin' Onnnn?!

Jesse’s been laser focused at Picky Bars, working hard to fill the National Sales role. In fact, it’s almost like he’s training for an event like Kona or Challenge Roth—he’s just giving that effort and energy to the business. He shares his thoughts about recruiting for the role, and how he’s struggling to know what the best-fit candidate will look like. But while things are a little stressful at work, play’s looking up! Jesse talks about his first swim post-boot in his new Roka thermal wetsuit.

Lauren’s getting pumped for her first Wilder retreat of the year. She shares a bit about the event and some of the things she’s looking forward to most. Lauren also offers up thoughts and gratitude about the bravery and openness of Gabe and Justin Grunewald as Gabe went in to comfort care and passed away last week.

To learn more about Gabe’s story and her foundation for rare cancer research, visit bravelikegabe.org.

Tasty Bites

16:55 –For recovery purposes, are you supposed to ingest 200-250 calories within 30 minutes of EVERY type of exercise (easy runs, actual workouts, cross training, lifting, etc.) or just after heavier workouts?

The short answer is yes! For any activity that lasts 30 minutes or longer, you’re going to want to replenish you glycogen stores. Even for lighter workouts, having that snack will take the edge off your hunger and give you the opportunity to make good food choices at your next meal.

18:00 - Is there an option to buy merchandise (shirts, etc.) as part of the Picky Club?

As of this recording, there is not a way to buy merch as part of the Picky Club, but we’re working on it! We DO occasionally offer fun one-off merch opportunities via the Picky Club, so keep an eye out! 

19:49 - Do you have a writing class or workshop you recommend?

Check out Laurie Wagner’s 27 Wilder Days. It’s really affordable, and for 27 days you get great writing prompts and videos delivered to your inbox.

20:44 - I finally figured out how to pee on my bike during a triathlon (Yipee!) Do you just throw the shoes in the washing machine when you're done, or do you have another way of cleaning them?
Yes! You can clean your bike shoes in the washing machine, but another pro tip is to clean them in the dishwasher; that way, they don’t get smashed and tumbled around with the rest of your laundry. 

21:34 - Do professional and elite runners and triathletes get to choose which race bib to wear?

Generally, no! Pros get the bibs they are given just like everyone else. If the race decides to use names instead of numbers, you’ll get your name on your bib.

Meat & Potatoes

26:05 –What are your thoughts on bicycle safety?

Here are a few things to keep in mind when it comes to bike safety:

  • Always, always wear a helmet (and get a good helmet)
  • Invest in a good light system for the front and back of your bike, preferably the kind that that blinks
  • Use your lights during during the daytime
  • Avoid distractions, like commuting with headphones
  • Ride defensively—assume the cars around you are going to make sporadic and unpredictable moves into your space 

I love commuting to work on my bike. But whenever I talk to my dad about it, he gives me a hard time and lectures me about how many people get hit by cars each year. Do you have any recommendations for how to navigate this?

It’s pretty normal for parents to catastrophize things. Just know that his lectures are coming from a place of love. We say—maybe avoid the subject and not talk about it with your dad. Know that your parents love you and continue to make your own choices. 

32:36 - In our family, the newborn and infant experience was much harder on my husband than it was on me. And I've read that as many as 25% of new dads experience postpartum depression. Jesse, any thoughts on your personal experience? Any ideas on how, as a partner, to show up, empathize, and hold space for the conflicting feelings a new dad might experience?

The loss of personal freedom that comes with having a kid comes as a pretty big shock to both parents. As a fiercely independent person, it was definitely tough for Jesse. He shares his experience of becoming a dad and the impact that it had on his mental health, and talks about what he found helpful during that time. He suggests talking openly with other fathers to feel less alone, exercise, and a combination of sport and hanging with friends.

When it comes to how to help as a partner—just being there, supporting, and trying to understand his experience is a huge step. You can also make sure that the dad has time to himself and time with friends!

40:10 - What's something unexpected, sweet, and meaningful that your partner has done for you? Have they ever done something so romantic or great that it made you cry?

Jesse and Lauren each share stories where they felt deep appreciation for the other, and guess what. It wasn’t a flashy romantic gift, no surprise trip. Nope. It was just unconditional support during tough times. Jesse talks about his gratitude for Lauren’s support as he navigates growing Picky Bars.

My husband struggles with the favoritism our 1-year-old shows for me. His feelings are regularly hurt. He would totally identify with what you said about doing everything ("I got you a blueberry!!") and not feeling appreciated. Jesse, how do you cope with it? And Lauren, how do you support Jesse?

This is tough, and it isfrustrating when you feel like the “second fiddle” parent. A good thing to remember is that these are little kids and there’s a lot at play—including biological factors (like a breast-feeding parent) and a culture where gender roles put dads on unequal footing when it comes to relationships with kids in their early years. Try to remember that when it comes to little kids and how they act—it isn’t really about you. Jesse and Lauren have also found that it’s helpful when Lauren goes away on trips and Jesse has extended solo parenting time—it gives both parents the confidence that everyone will survive when mom’s gone for a bit.

51:07 - Do you have any advice for how I can maintain positive relationships with both of my divorced parents individually, even when they can't seem to reconcile their personal relationship? How do I communicate to my mom that by me maintaining a relationship with my dad, it does not devalue the very special and separate relationship I have with her?

After a divorce, everyone in the family has to take time to heal in their own ways, and it can be easy to get wrapped up in someone else’s healing process. Maintain boundaries for yourself. If there are conversations that trigger you or your parent, it’s OK to let them know that the topic is off-limits. That can help you nurture your own relationship with each parent individually.

    59:03 – Follow-Ups

    Jesse pulled a few nerdy follow-ups for this episode. A listener writes to weigh about whether shaving your legs makes you more aerodynamic. Their opinion? They think it helped them out in their last race… Another listener writes in to let Jesse and Lauren know about a new company that has created a power measurement tool for skiers. Lastly, Jesse and Lauren get a follow up about mom guilt. Their pro tip? Let go of the idea that your kids’ happiness is tied to the amount of time you spend with them—you just might find that you feel less guilty about time spent doing things for you, and that life becomes more enjoyable.


    As always, submit your work/play/love question at pickybars.com/workplaylove - Thanks for listening!

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