67: Asking Your Coach For Help, Standing Up To Aggression, Screen Time And Kids, Alcoholism

Juggling work-life balance can be a real three-ring circus, which Lauren & Jesse know first hand. Led by listener questions, the Work, Play, Love Podcast is all about sports, biz, and family. [ASK YOUR QUESTION]

67: Asking Your Coach For Help, Standing Up To Aggression, Screen Time And Kids, Alcoholism

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Description:

Advocating for yourself and your well-being can be challenging and intimidating—especially in the workplace, with family, or in a competitive team environment. And for many of us, setting boundaries isn’t the most well-honed skill. Lauren and Jesse answer questions about asking a coach for more support, how to not feel like a pushover in the workplace, and what boundaries you can model for your kids around time spent with devices and technology. Plus, Lauren shares her experience growing up with alcoholism in her family, and she and Jesse talk about a recent relationship “discussion.”

What’s goin’ on?!!

Sound the air horn, y’all. Jesse and Lauren are just back from the Picky Bars holiday party. This year the theme was Holiday Horror, and your favorite Work, Play, Love duo attended in fine—but questionably appropriate—style. They share their costume concepts and talk about what worked and what didn’t. Plus, Lauren gives an update about finding a literary agent, and Jesse shares some end-of-year thoughts about Picky Bars and gives an update on his health and his foot post-surgery.

Tasty Bites

16:19 - International Excel Spreadsheet Championships

A listener writes in to let Jesse know that there is an International Excel Spreadsheet championship. That’s right. It’s totally up Jesse’s alley, and he shares some “you-had-to-be-there” Excel humor.

18:16 - What are the best parenting books – or your favorite parenting books?

Jesse and Lauren have had success with these parenting books, which are great for soothing an unhappy infant, and helping your child develop great sleeping habits.

• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth
• The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp

20:07 - What are your favorite feminist books?

There are a bunch of fantastic books out there about women’s issues—too many to list! But here are a few books that Lauren recommends:

• Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny by Kate Manne
• Feminism Is For Everybody by Bell Hooks
• The Source of Self-Regard by Toni Morrison

21:14 - How do you stay motivated to do physical therapy exercises when you’ve recovered enough to start running again?

It can be tough to keep those PT exercises going once you start feeling better! But here are some important things to keep in mind to help you stay healthy and consistent:

• As your health improves, talk to your physical therapist and find out how you can reduce your physical therapy routine to the most essential exercises
• Get your exercises when you can! That could mean before you get out of bed in the morning, 5-10 minutes when you start watching TV at the end of the day, or even in the bathroom when you’re doin’ yer business.
• Remember: 5-10 minutes of physical therapy a day is better than 30-45 minutes inconsistently.

23:14 - I deal with excessive sweating. What is the best way for me to hydrate and replenish electrolytes?

The best thing you can do if you’re experiencing heavy or excessive sweating is talk to your doctor and consider ordering some blood work to see what’s going on. Excessive sweating can have many implications, such as vitamin, mineral, or hormone imbalances—but we’re not doctors, so make sure you see a professional! You can also check out the Nuun website for more information about hydration and nutrition. 

26:03 - Will I miss out on “prime” marathon years if I am focused on shorter distances now and wait for a few years to move onto longer distances?

Absolutely not! Many elite marathoners, like Molly Huddle and Shalane Flanagan, start with shorter distances like the 1500m, 3K, and 5K before moving on to the marathon. If you’re having serious marathon FOMO, volunteer or get involved in another way that lets you share in the excitement of the event. Could you team up with someone and serve as a pacemaker for part of the race? There are a bunch of ways to be involved with marathon that doesn’t involve you running the full 26.2!

28:00 - I’m a long distance runner. What is a good workout routine for my off season?

During your off season, it’s good to spend some more time in the gym building strength! Running less and lifting weights more is a great way to do this. Your off season is also a great time to get workouts through cross training or other kinds of activity you wouldn’t normally get during your regular training. Things like another sport or Pilates can be helpful.

Meat & Potatoes

32:34 - How can I ask my coach for more support when we don’t have a very close athlete-coach relationship? I’d like to tell my coach that I’m looking for more out of the relationship.

It can be daunting to speak up and ask your coach for more. Something to try is to prepare your coach for the conversation. If you’re on a team, choose a team captain (if you don’t already have one) to be your group’s primary spokesperson. Set the stage by letting your coach know that you’re discussing goals and the things you’re looking forward to in the upcoming season as a team. Then ask if you can follow up with them after that conversation to see how the coach can help you achieve or alter those goals.

40:03 - How can I gain the confidence to advocate for myself or stand up to aggressive, competitive, domineering people at work?

It’s a total bummer to experience intimidation and disrespect in school, on a team, or in the workplace. Here are a few things to try to help boost your confidence and help you advocate for yourself, create and maintain boundaries, and have difficult conversations:

• Working with a therapist can help you gain confidence and navigate challenging social dynamics.
• Doing an internet search for “how to have hard conversations” can yield a lot of great advice
• Brené Brown’s Braving The Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone is a good resource
• Seek out a mentor—a professor, coach, classmate, or coworker—who you trust, who can give you some perspective about the dynamics you’re facing
• Gain confidence by practicing standing up for and fighting for something you’re passionate about that isn’t tied directly to you

48:46  - How do you handle screen time and time with phones, tablets, tv, and other technology with your kids?

Lauren and Jesse talk about how they think about their kids’ relationship with technology. It’s tough! Let’s face it, what parent doesn’t want to escape for a few minutes into their phone when their children are driving them crazy. The reality is there are no real rules in this arena. Jesse and Lauren try to limit their screen time when they’re with their kids—especially at meal time. Their hope is that by modeling a balanced relationship with technology, their kids will be more willing to engage with folks rather than retreat into their phones later in life.

54:18 - What was it like to grow up in a household where disordered relationships with alcohol were present? How did you relate to alcohol as a young adult, and how do you now?

Lauren shares her experience of growing up with alcoholism in her family. She discusses how the dynamic made her more sensitive, observant, and aware of her environment. And she talks about how the legacy of alcohol lives on in her life today. 

Follow Ups

1:12 - Each week, Lauren and Jesse read insights, advice, and thoughts from listeners who have followed up on topics discussed on the show. This segment is for you, by you! Today, Lauren and Jesse read follow ups about:

• Grief and losing a loved one
• Burnout + Commitment (from Ep. 64) when it comes to re-entering the workforce
• Making time and working to find love (it works!)

Recommended links from listeners:

AskAManager.org – a great blog for workplace advice.

As always, submit your work/play/love question at pickybars.com/workplaylove - Thanks for listening!

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