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50: Love! PRIDE, Poly, Keeping the Spark Alive

July 01, 2019

50: Love! PRIDE, Poly, Keeping the Spark Alive

Juggling work-life balance can be a real three-ring circus, which Lauren & Jesse know first hand. Led by listener questions, the Work, Play, Love Podcast is all about sports, biz, and family. [ASK YOUR QUESTION]

50: All About Love – PRIDE, Polyamory, Keeping the Spark Alive, Sharing Athletic Goals

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In celebration of PRIDE and love, Lauren and Jesse answer your burning relationship questions about love, intimacy, on-again-off-again relationships, and even how to deal with a partner playing musical instruments in the house. Plus they talk birth control for athletes, polyamory, inclusivity in sports and business, and more. This one’s all. about. love.

What's Goin' Onnnn?!

Stepping back and remembering what you’ve accomplished can give you a whole new perspective on the past. Lauren’s just back from her latest Wilder retreat and she thinks it was the best one yet. She reflects on the weekend and observes how she’s changed, how her relationships with the other teachers have changed, and how the participants have changed compared to participants from the last few years. She talks about how the retreats are wonderful ways to mark the passage of time and see change in yourself and in the world.

Jesse’s back from an investor conference where he got a confidence boost about Picky Bars and how they’ve really built a special brand. He also reflects on his one-year anniversary of Challenge Roth and shares why it was such a memorable day.

Tasty Bites

16:43 – How did Jesse propose to Lauren?

Jesse made Lauren an uber-cute picture book a la Fandango-style paper-bag puppets that told the story of their relationship. He gave it to her on Christmas morning and the story ended with Jesse proposing to Lauren, which he did as she was reading the book. Afterwards? A bald eagle came and oversaw the scene. The two share the story, which is pretty great, from each of their perspectives. 

23:25 - What are your experiences with birth control and has it affected your running or relationship?

Everyone’s body is different and different birth control methods will affect athletes and individuals in different ways. Lauren has tried the pill and progesterone, both of which had adverse effects on her mood and body. She has avoided copper IUDs because they can cause heavy and long-lasting periods. She recommends the Mirena IUD to her athletes and uses a it herself—one with a very low dose of hormones.

26:56 - What are your thoughts on polyamory?

How you structure your relationship with your partner or partners is completely up to you and your partners! If you choose a polyamorous lifestyle, that’s awesome! But a good thing to keep in mind with any relationship is that clear and honest communication is really important. It’s important to share your needs with your partner so you can be aligned with them. And if you feel like discussing polyamory with your partner, that’s completely reasonable to do. Just know that it may take more than one discussion to find common ground.

Meat & Potatoes

30:54 - What practical advice do you have for staying connected to your spouse and keeping the spark alive when you’re in the thick of it?

This is a challenge for many couples in long-term relationships, and it can be even harder when you have kids. You’re giving your kids and your job so much energy throughout the day that it’s hard to maintain intimacy with your partner. Here’s some advice:

  • Build a date night into your schedule
  • When you have quality time together, ditch your phones!
  • If you feel like you’re too drained for your partner, look for areas where you can free up time and energy, so you have more for your partner at the end of the day 

40:21 - Do you have any tips on keeping the “romance” alive?

It’s normal for your sex life to fluctuate as your relationship continues. So first step is to try and remove any shame around the fact that you may have sex less frequently—these things can come and go. Sex is a part of your relationship, but it’s not indicative of the entire health or success of your relationship. Aside from the intimacy-building tips mentioned in the previous question, you can try to connect with your partner intimately throughout the day in other ways. Bring them a cup of coffee, send a sweet or meaningful text. Small things like this can help you stay connected and excited to be with one another.

Any suggestions for living in an apartment while one person is playing musical instruments?

Your best bet is ear plugs (if you don’t like what you’re hearing). You can also put some boundaries around when they play to make the living situation work for you!

49:27 - How can diversity and inclusion be promoted at the top level of sports competition?

There’s a lot of room for improvement in professional sports for the LGBTQ community. One of the most important things is to, as a community, make it a safe place for to people to be open and out. Lauren and Jesse talk about how the number of openly gay professional athletes is quite low, and discuss how athletes feel pressured to take social issues out of sports when the reality is that more athletes should feel empowered to bring social issues to their sport.

53:59 - What do businesses have to gain when they adopt social issues like celebrating pride? Is this a business strategy or are business and social worlds blending?

Lauren and Jesse discuss the social, economic and political implications of brands adopting social issues. The bottom line? If a brand is genuine about their support of social issues, and it is clearly a part of their culture, then it makes sense for businesses to promote their values and speak up. And Lauren wonders aloud about the cost of businesses sitting out and notspeaking up about the most important issues of our time.  

1:02:13 - How do you manage expectations for shared athletic activities?

The best thing to do is to sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation with them. Here are a few questions the listener asked that Lauren and Jesse recommend discussing with their partner:

  • How do I encourage him without feeling like I’m nagging them?
  • Should I run solo and not push the issue?
  • Is it wrong to get excited about the prospect of training and running a race together?

These are great questions for an open and direct conversation. Just make sure you’re prepared for the answers, whatever they may be!

1:04:54 - My partner and I have broken up and gotten back together a few times. Have you experienced friends and family who didn't want to see you get back together? And if so, how did you deal with it?

People grow and make mistakes and relationships change! And that includes breaking up and getting back together sometimes. If you feel like your relationship is for you, and if you think it can be long-term, healthy, and sustainable, then you should go with your gut and your heart. Your family will probably come around when they see you happy in the relationship.


      1:12:30 - A few listeners wrote in to follow up with ideas for a honeymoon for active couples. One couple is the recipient of the Picky Bars Lifepoints Adventure Grant and are excited for adventuring and relaxing in Flagstaff, AZ. Another couple is headed to the Berlin Marathon for a race and then they’re going to bop around Europe.

      1:13:42 - Some other listeners wrote in to follow up on episode 49 with book recommendations of their own! The Three-Body Problem is a sweet science fiction series about space and aliens that you might want to try out. Another listener vouches for the Red Rising series, even if Jesse messed up the titles.

      1:15:41 - And lastly, a listener wrote in to say they ran a marathon on freshly shaved legs, and guess what. They think it made them faster! Plus, a listener catches one of Jesse’s catch phrases coming from the #1 NBA draft pick!

      As always, submit your work/play/love question at pickybars.com/workplaylove - Thanks for listening!



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